weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
