Hey man sorry I got all grabby
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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