You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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