is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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