Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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