from now on my penis is your penis
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
