Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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