im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
