and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
