I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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