First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
