I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
