Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
