ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
