So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
