eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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