Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
