You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
