I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he thought i was a dude.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
