I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
