i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
