i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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