On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
