i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
