Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
