Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
