Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
