I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
