dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
