I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
