So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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