if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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