did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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