so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
