Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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