I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
