so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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