I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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