I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
