dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
