why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
