you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
