I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
