dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Define "chronic" masturbator.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
