We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im six kinds of drunk right now
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
