uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
