He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
