end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
