Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
