i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
