my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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