I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
