Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
