I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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