She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
