and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize