I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
