Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
