he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
