Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
