I want to walk on stilts...naked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
