She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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