I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
