He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I just put wine in my tea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
