i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think i have herpe
just one?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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