I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
