The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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