Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
