I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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