And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
