Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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